Crafting the killer sentence
By John C. Ensslin
As you may have noticed by reading this blog, many of the programs we’ll offer at the SPJ national convention in Las Vegas on Oct. 3-5 are focused on what’s new in journalism.
From video training to multimedia reporting to hyper-local coverage and new business models, I think we’ve got the future – both near and long-term – covered.
But that said, the organizers of this year’s conference also wanted to make sure we covered a more basic and timeless bit of training: the art of the well-crafted sentence.
Because no matter how much or how rapidly the tools and technology of our trade advance, there remains a need for journalists to communicate in a clear and concise manner.
To meet that need, we turned June Casagrande, a California journalist who just happened to have a new book out on the importance of writing well.
The book, published in late July by Ten Speed Press, is titled It Was the Best of Sentences, It Was the Worst of Sentences – a Writer’s Guide to Crafting Killer Sentences.
While covering community news in Newport Beach, June launched a weekly grammar column called “A Word Please.” She has written a previous book titled, Grammar Snobs are Great Big Meanies.
She also has a great sense of humor, which perhaps is why she once studied improvisational comedy.
I enjoyed our recent e-mail exchange. Here’s the transcript:
Q: When I was growing up, the nuns at Catholic school were relentless about teaching us to diagram sentences. But looking back now, I realize they may have wired grammar into my DNA. Who were your early influences when it came to grammar?
A: You’re so lucky you learned sentence diagramming! It doesn’t just teach you to appreciate grammar, it also teaches you how to look at sentences a certain way — like they’re made of building blocks, Lego sculptures. There’s power in that: the power to choose how you want to structure your sentences. Not many people are so lucky.
I didn’t have any early grammar influences. I went to bad schools for my primary education then became a chronic truant my first semester in high school. I dropped out as soon as I turned 16. So I had an eighth-grade education and a GED when I enrolled in college three years later. My sophomore year I was taking my first French class and the teacher asked for a volunteer who had studied the verb “etre” to come to chalkboard. My hand shot up, I took my place at the board, chalk in hand, and she said to go ahead and conjugate the verb. I knew what “etre” meant, I just didn’t know what “conjugate” meant. I laughed it off. But I sure did start paying attention to grammar terminology after that. Grammar seemed like really cool stuff — but so did everything in college. It took a long while to realize how much I liked language mechanics. Still, I trace my interest in English grammar to college French class.
Q: What’s a common mistake journalists tend to make when crafting sentences?
A: In straight news writing, the challenge is to cram in a lot of crucial information as early as possible. That’s often done with prepositional phrases — “on Tuesday,” “with his entourage in tow,” “to the voters,” “for the measure,” “without having signed the bill” — and with participial phrases — “stepping down,” “referring to the measure that” “making headway in his efforts,” “dogged by allegations of.” That can get really messy really fast. You have to make sure it’s clear what each of these modifying phrases refers to. Otherwise, you end up with nonsense like “I photographed an elephant in my pajamas.”
Feature writing is tougher. It’s less regimented, so there are more ways to go astray. Here’s something I see a lot: “One of the more delightful aspects of the park is the fact that it has six different roller coasters.” In this sentence, the new information is trapped in a relative clause: “that it has six roller coasters.” The main clause is dedicated to the hollow and droning “One of the more delightful aspects is the fact that.” When novice writers structure sentences this way, it’s because they think they’re making the sentence more interesting. But the facts are usually more interesting when they stand alone: “The park has six roller coasters.” Once you’ve cut the fat, then you can dedicate the saved ink to interesting, tangible facts instead of abstract value judgments.
Q: I understand you’ve also done stand-up and improvisational comedy. Which is harder: being funny or writing well?
A: My comedy experience is very limited. I took classes for years but only performed in front of an audience a handful of times. To me, funny is something that happens to you. It’s a beast you didn’t realize was lurking in your abdomen that suddenly leaps out of your mouth — without your permission — and makes people laugh. It’s a great feeling, but a completely passive experience. I’m like a penny on a train track and funny is the train.
Writing is an active experience. That means effort. Sure, for many people it comes naturally. But even the most innately talented writer has to sit down and think about what she or he wants to say. For me, making an effort is harder than lying on train tracks.
Q: My wife came across this sign recently in Buffalo : “Parking for busses.” She figured it was a make-out lot. Do you find yourself instinctively correcting grammar and spelling wherever you go?
A: See, here’s the thing about that: If you look up “bus” in Webster’s New World College Dictionary — the AP Stylebook’s designated Webster’s — you see that the preferred plural form is “buses” but another acceptable form is “busses.” And that, in a nutshell, is why I try not to focus on errors. Something that’s wrong according to AP style may be right according to Chicago style. Something that’s wrong according to one dictionary may be right according to another. The Los Angeles Times writes 1980s but the New York Times writes 1980’s.
Once you start paying attention to language, you start seeing errors everywhere. Go around correcting people long enough and eventually it bites you on the backside. Yes, I have “copy editor’s disease” — noticing poor word choice, punctuation errors, spelling errors, etc. But I try to fight it.
Q: What is one thing you hope people learn from your talk?
A: Often, when a writer gives birth to a sentence, it seems like that exact sentence was the only way to convey the information. That’s never true. And if you can see alternative ways to write each sentence, you can make better choices. I hope that people start to see some of the different ways they can structure their sentences.
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